Home and Heart Read online

  Table of Contents

  Blurb

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  More from Sean Michael

  Readers love Sean Michael

  About the Author

  By Sean Michael

  Visit Dreamspinner Press

  Copyright

  Home and Heart

  By Sean Michael

  Is it possible to find the heart’s home twice in a lifetime?

  Six years ago, Sawyer Burroughs’s life fell apart. His soul mate and husband of four years died of cancer, and he fell into depression… and a bottle. It’s taken nearly five years, but he’s turned his life around and is ready to start again on the other side of the country.

  In his new apartment, he’s welcomed by his young and carefree neighbor, Derek, from across the hall. Derek is eager to make Sawyer feel welcome and even offers him a place to stay when Sawyer arrives ahead of his furniture.

  The upstairs neighbors are just as friendly, and soon Sawyer finds a place with the friends-with-benefits threesome. He’s not the shy, vanilla lover they think he is, though, and he’s hiding more than a pair of nipple rings. As it happens, the guys have kinky secrets of their own, but for four men to make a BDSM relationship last, they’ll have to figure some things out.

  Chapter One

  SAWYER OPENED the door to his new place and stared around at the empty space. He’d rented the place sight unseen, and he had to admit it looked small without any furniture. Even with furniture it was going to be smaller than the house back… the old house. He took a deep breath.

  Okay. Okay, this was going to be home now. He’d sold everything he didn’t need, he’d sold the house, and he’d packed up his SUV and moved across country to Halifax.

  A new house. A new start. A new life.

  He wasn’t going to cry. He wasn’t. He was a grown man with cash and a good freelance job writing for catalogs with a side gig of writing greeting cards. Change was good. Scary, but good. Right? Right. He took another deep breath and squared his shoulders.

  Sawyer opened the windows to let the air in; then he went to explore—he had a nice living area, an eat-in kitchen that was plenty big enough to cook in, a master, and a tiny second bedroom for an office. The leasing agent said it was the smallest apartment of the four, but it suited him, and the price was reasonable.

  The building was an old house converted into four apartments. The bones of the place were lovely. He just hoped the other tenants didn’t throw too many loud parties. Gosh, that was such an old-man thing to think, wasn’t it?

  Of course, he was a widower, a recovering alcoholic, and a bit of a hermit. Which made him sound ancient. But it was the mileage not the years, wasn’t it?

  He supposed he should do something about getting the stuff in his van into the apartment. At least a chair so he had somewhere to sit. He had a couple of lawn chairs, a foldout cot, his laptop, his books, and his kitchen stuff with him. The rest he was going to have to buy. Now that he was here without anything, it was tempting to second-guess the decision to sell everything, but his reasoning had been sound. He was starting anew, and that included leaving behind the things he’d shared with James and actually starting fresh.

  A knock sounded at the door, startling him out of his thoughts.

  He jumped, put his hand on his chest, then went to the door, curious. He opened it slowly. “Hello?”

  A young guy with shaggy blond hair and lovely gray eyes stood there, lounging against the door. “Hey, man. I’m across the hall in 1B—Derek. Nice to meet you.”

  “Derek? Hello, I’m Sawyer Ham… Burroughs.”

  “Hamburroughs? Cool.” Derek looked past him. “Dude, your place is pretty bare.”

  “This is my first hour, and it’s just Burroughs.” He didn’t know why he’d stopped using James’s name, but… this was part of his new start, right? Like not bringing the furniture. James would understand.

  “Okay. You got stuff you need help with?” Derek asked.

  “Oh, that’s nice. I have the stuff in my SUV. That’s all.”

  “Did you have a fire or something?” Derek asked, following him down the front steps.

  “No.” He was starting over. He needed everything. “Do you like it here?”

  “I do. The guys in 2A and B are cool. And we all share the backyard, so we do grill-outs and stuff. Of course they often end in benefits, if you know what I mean.” Derek gave him a wicked little grin, eyes dancing happily.

  “Good to know.” He hadn’t had any benefits in six years. James had been ill fourteen months, and then… yeah. “I look forward to meeting everyone.”

  “We should do a cookout tonight. A welcome to the neighborhood one.” Derek grabbed one of the boxes from the back of the SUV and headed back inside. “What do you do, Sawyer?”

  He had to move fast to keep up with Derek’s long, easy strides. “I’m a freelancer. Writing, mostly.”

  “Oh, that’s cool. Did you write anything I’ve read?” Derek put the box down where Sawyer pointed, took his box from him, and set it down next to the first.

  “Not unless you love catalogs or greeting cards. Thank you.”

  “I didn’t even know those were things you could write. I mean, it makes sense, but I never thought about it as a job. Pretty cool.” Derek headed back outside and grabbed another box. It wasn’t long before Sawyer had been lapped, Derek seeming to have a boundless supply of energy. Derek was stronger than he looked too.

  Maybe he was simply old and tired. Of course, he had just driven across country all by himself.

  At any rate, it didn’t take long to empty the car. Not at all. And without exhausting him either.

  “Would you like a bottle of water?” he asked his Good Samaritan, grabbing one of the few left from the case he’d started his journey with and offering it to Derek.

  “Don’t you have a bed?” Derek asked, looking at the corner of the living room where they’d piled everything.

  “No. Not yet.” He had what he had. And the little collapsible cot would have to do. It was better than the floor at least.

  “Okay. You can come sleep in mine. There’s plenty of room.” Derek accepted the offered water and sat in one of Sawyer’s two garden chairs, sprawling easily.

  Sawyer chuckled softly, shook his head, and settled in the other chair. “Don’t stress it. I’m fine.”

  “Dude, I can’t let you sleep on the floor. That’s not right.” Tilting his head back, neck exposed, Derek drank down his water, his throat working.

  Sawyer remembered feeling so free, so confident in his youth. Now he didn’t feel like that was anywhere he belonged. Definitely the mileage.

  “You need any help with anything else?” Derek asked when he’d finished his water.

  “Oh, you’ve been so kind. I can’t ask for anything else.”

  “You didn’t ask, I offered.” Derek’s grin was warm, the friendship and help offered easily. This was a good man.

  “So what do you do, Derek?” He could make small talk. He really could.

  Derek’s grin got bigger. “I invent ice cream flavors.”

  “Really?” Okay, how cool was that?

  “Yeah, best job in the world. My uncle owns the local ice cream factory. I started working there when I was fifteen. I learned all the jobs, including flavor develop
ment, and it turned out I have a knack for it.”

  “That’s fascinating. Seriously. What’s your favorite?”

  Derek didn’t hesitate for a second. “Pecan caramel brittle.”

  “Uhn.” His eyes crossed. That sounded like heaven. He wasn’t even a huge ice cream guy, but he could definitely get behind a flavor like that.

  “I’ve got some in the freezer. You wanna come over and taste?” Derek got up, looking for all the world like he expected Sawyer to follow.

  “Oh… are you sure?” He didn’t have so much as a can of soup in the apartment yet. He probably ought to go to the store and buy milk, eggs, and bread at least. Maybe a couple cans of tuna too. Of course then he’d have to buy celery and mayonnaise, salt and pepper, some chili. Or maybe some peanut butter and bananas would be simpler. At least for his first day or two.

  “Yeah, come on. My couch and chairs are comfier than your sad lawn chairs too.” Derek turned and headed out, lanky body moving with ease.

  “Don’t dis my furniture, now.”

  Derek laughed, a sort of high-pitched giggle. “When you actually get real furniture, I promise not to dis it. Well, if it’s cool I won’t.”

  “I’ll have to go shopping. I’m not in a huge hurry.” He had flexibility, right? And the chairs weren’t that bad to sit in.

  Derek led him across the wide hall and invited him in through the door marked 1B. It was neat to see that Derek’s place wasn’t the same as his, or even a mirror of his. He supposed it had something to do with it being a converted house rather than an apartment complex. He had to admit, the couch looked damn comfortable.

  “Sit.” Derek pointed at the couch. “I’ll get the ice cream.”

  “Thanks. I appreciate it. You have a nice place.”

  “Thanks.” Derek went to the kitchen.

  Sawyer looked around, taking in the enormous TV with several game consoles beneath it in the corner. A pair of easy chairs sat in front of that, looking even more inviting than the couch he was sitting on. The room was larger than his living room, and the way the couch and coffee table were placed, the chairs and TV seemed almost like an alcove, giving the appearance of an extra space.

  He liked how airy the place was. In that way it was like his, with the high ceilings and a plethora of large windows. Derek’s living room even boasted a window seat.

  Derek came back with a couple of cones piled high with ice cream. “You would think I’d get tired of it as I work with it every day, but I don’t. I still love it.” He handed Sawyer one of the cones.

  “Thank you. I appreciate it.” He’d have to drop something over in a day or two. Maybe some bread.

  Derek sat next to him, turning to watch him. “I wanna see what you think of my favorite flavor, because I know you’re going to say it’s good whether you like it or not, just to be polite.”

  “Well, I might be evil. You never know.” He licked, though, and the smoky, nutty flavor was perfect—not too sweet, creamy. God. He could see why this was Derek’s favorite.

  “You don’t seem evil to me. And you like it.” Derek looked really pleased about that.

  “I love it. It’s amazing.” Genuinely.

  “I know.” Derek looked smug. “It’s the best ice cream ever. I invented it.”

  “That’s so cool. Seriously. I love that.” He grinned at Derek, surprised and pleased.

  “Once I get to know you, I’ll make an ice cream for you. The Sawyer.”

  “It’ll be sour apple, I bet.” That amused the hell out of him, if he was honest.

  “Are you saying you’re a sourpuss? Or tart?” Derek asked.

  “I’m hoping to be less of a sourpuss, but we’ll have to see what happens.” He licked around the lip of the cone, keeping drips from happening.

  “So what’s making you a sourpuss?” Derek asked. Nosy kid.

  “Let’s just say I’m making a fresh start of everything.” He wasn’t ready to give his whole life story to this perfect stranger. It would take more than a delicious ice cream cone for that.

  “Oh, a mystery man. That’s kind of sexy.”

  Sawyer snorted and rolled his eyes. He wasn’t sure he was able to deal with being sexy, not right now. He ignored the little voice in his head that reminded him it had been almost five years since James had died and longer than that since he’d done anything sexual.

  “You like video games?” Derek asked.

  “I do. I haven’t played in a long time.” James hadn’t been into them.

  “I’ve got a sweet setup. We all get together now and then and have a night of playing. Oh yeah, let me text the guys about a welcome to the neighborhood barbecue.” Derek pulled out his phone and dashed off a text, thumbs working double time.

  “Oh, you don’t have to. I mean, I haven’t gotten set up enough to contribute….”

  “So you’ll contribute next time,” Derek suggested easily. “We’re on for six thirty.”

  “I… that was… that was fast.”

  “Everyone’s gonna be home tonight, so easy-peasy.” Derek had a mouthful of his ice cream, and his face went lax as he tasted it.

  “How many other people live here, did you say?” Sawyer felt a little intimidated, going from totally on his own and never seeing anyone to suddenly having close neighbors and a barbecue being thrown in his honor.

  “Three. Well, four now with you. This way you won’t have to worry about unpacking anything to make supper, and you get to meet everyone.”

  “I….” He supposed he could run out and get chips and dips to contribute.

  Derek tilted his head to the side, clearly waiting for him to finish what he was saying.

  “I’ll bring some Coke and chips.”

  “You don’t have to do that—like I said, you can contribute next time. Sorry, but you look wiped. You should crash ’til cookout time. My bed’s super comfy.”

  “Oh, that wouldn’t…. I couldn’t.” How rude would that be? No matter how tempting the thought of a real bed was.

  “Dude, you haven’t got a stick of furniture. Are you planning to crash on those lawn chairs of yours?” Derek shook his head. “I swear my sheets aren’t nasty.”

  “But you don’t know me….” And he had the camping cot. He yawned hugely.

  Derek shrugged. “We’re neighbors. And you really do look like you need to crash.” Derek helped him stand and led him into a dark, quiet room.

  The bed was made, and Derek pulled the covers back. “Bathroom’s over there.” Derek pointed to a door by the window. “Have a great nap.” Then Derek left, closing the door softly behind him.

  Sawyer blinked a few times, but it was dark, cool, and comfortable, and his head throbbed, so he let his eyes close. Just for a minute.

  Just a few.

  Chapter Two

  DEREK THREW together a salad from a bag and brought it and the beer he’d picked up yesterday out to the deck they all shared. He put everything in the little fridge, noticing there were already sodas in there. Cool. If the new guy didn’t want beer, they had options. Go them.

  He was still debating going back into his place or staying out when Benny came down with a tray of foil-wrapped baked potatoes. Benny opened the grill and set them on it. Then he turned on the gas and shut the lid.

  “Hey, Dee.” Benny came over and slung an arm around his shoulders before kissing him on the cheek. “Luke is bringing the meat.” Benny waggled his eyebrows outrageously as he said it. “So what’s the new guy like?”

  Derek tilted his head and offered his first impressions. “Cute, sad, with these awesome blue eyes.”

  “Sad? Why sad?” Luke came down the stairs, carrying burgers and dogs on a plate in one hand and buns with condiments and stuff in the other. “Is he a vegetarian?”

  Derek shrugged. “I don’t know. To sad and to vegetarian. He didn’t say anything when I told him about the cookout.”

  “How old is he?” Benny asked. “And does he swing our way?”

  “Yes,
he’s gay, but I have no idea what he’s into.” How was he supposed to know stuff like that—he’d only talked to the guy for like twenty minutes. He’d invited Sawyer to the cookout and had mentioned benefits, but it wasn’t like he was going to pounce on the guy and say, “Come have sex with me and the two guys from upstairs.”

  “Oh, he’s gay, is he? Was he wearing a rainbow T-shirt?” Luke was a butthead.

  Derek rolled his eyes. “Some of us have gaydar that actually works, you know.”

  “Gaydar is a myth, numbnuts,” Luke muttered.

  Derek bit back his grin. Luke never could tell. Never. Big bad Luke had no gaydar to speak of. “He is. I just know.” And if that wasn’t gaydar….

  “Well, good. He seems nice? Frank was so… grumpy.” No one had been sorry to see Frank leave. It wasn’t just that the guy had been a loner, but he’d pretty much hated everyone and everything and had complained bitterly about any group activities if he caught sight of them. They’d confined themselves to their apartments for their benefits, unless he’d been out.

  “Yeah, he seems nice.” Derek couldn’t guarantee it of course, but he was willing to bet Sawyer was going to be much easier to get along with and be friendly with.

  “Will he play with us?” Benny asked.

  “That’s all you ever think of,” Derek noted.

  “Oh, please, like I’m the only one.”

  “I don’t know.” Derek shrugged. “He seems really shy.”

  “I meant you,” Benny told him, laughing.

  “Bite me.”

  “Later.” Benny made a lewd face, and Derek had to laugh too.

  “So we have everything we need? I have buns and condiments, including the cheese, lettuce, and tomatoes. If anyone wants bacon, I have the precooked stuff upstairs. Dessert?” Luke looked at Derek expectantly.

  “Uh… I’ve got ice cream.” He always had ice cream. Occupational hazard, he supposed, though he loved it so maybe not.

  Benny and Luke groaned.

  “What? Ice cream is good!”

  “Not every fucking time.” They pounced on him together, tickling and rubbing.